The Text Message Files
by MissRenesmeeCarlieCullen17
Summary: Just conversation between different Cullens/Hales through text messages. My attemt at humor, din't know if its funny or not I've never tried writing funny before. Please give it a chance!
1. Chp 1: Emmett & Renesmee

**Hello wonderful people who have taken the time to read this story! This idea just popped into my head and I was bored, so I don't know if it will be any good or not. This is basically text messages that go back and forth between your favorite Cullens! Please review and tell me what you think because I like to hear your guy's opinion! Thanks and happy reading! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight! Stephanie Meyers does, but if she decides that she doesn't want it anymore I call dibs! ;) But we all know that will probably never happen so SM owns Twilight! **

**Chapter 1: Renesmee & Emmett **

**E: **Aloha

**R:** Um, hi? Emmett?

**E:** Yah, watz up?

**R:** Were u just bored and wntd 2 tlk, or is it important?

**E:** Whats wrong with wantin 2 tlk?

**R: **I can't, I'm busy!

**E: **Busy with wat? Readin Romeo and Juliet AGAIN!

**R: ** NO! Actually its 2 kill a mocking bird! :P

**E:** Wateva, boring is boring no mater wat the title is!

**R: **U no, u shld really respect the classics Emmett! They r classics 4 a reason!

**E:** O ya, I really shld respect a suicidal guy who sounds like he stole a rappers stage name! o ya :P 2 u 2!

**R:** U hav some nerv 2 even think of comparing a character from the great works of William Shakespeare to some stupid bunch of untalented losers! :/

**E:** o wow! Is that your angry face Ness? I'm soooooo scared! And who do u thnk u r 2 go around calling rappers stupid untalented losers!

**R:** Well it's the truth! How can u even stand listening 2 that M&M guy?

**E: **1st off, its EMINEM! Not m&m! And Eminem has the best music in the world!

**R:** If u can even call it music! The guy is completely talentless! If you want 2 listen 2 REAL music why don't u try some1 with talent like Claude Debussy, or Beethoven!

**E: **o no! Ness, this is BAD! Idk how 2 tell u this, but I'm pretty sure u hav caught a most serious case of Edwarditous! Showing a keen interest in BORING music is always the first sign! They always deny that they've caught it, and realize I was right, after its already 2 late! I hate 2 be the 1 2 tell u, but u may only hav a few days left!

**R:** U can b a real idiot sometimes u know that! And it is not boring music, it is BEAUTIFUL music, that has been beautifully composed!

**E:** The only thing beautiful about that junk u call music is the sound of silence after some sane person turns it off!

**R:** Wat do u no anyway! Besides who are you to judge who is insane and who is not?

**E:** HaHa call me insane that's I'm lmao over hear! JK! Seriously how do you listen to that boring music!

**R:** I g2g Emmett, Mom needs me. TTYL :)

**E:** Wait! Renesmee, hello?

**R: ** Good bye Uncle Emmett!

**E:** Renesmee?

**OK so that is the first chapter, its short I know but some of the other chapters will be longer. I don't know if this is any good or not so please tell me what you think in a review! Also does writing in text talk bug you guys or do you like it because I want to know if I should write the next chapter in text talk or not. Plus who should have a text conversation next? **


	2. Chp 2: Alice & Jasper

**Ok so here is the second chapter! Thank you to shortevilpixie and Emu97 and Grover's Wedding Planner for reviewing on the last chapter. So you don't get confused these text message conversations are not related to each other, they are just a collection of conversations. If you think I should do a story in text massages, so that the messages tell a story please let me know in a review. :) **

**Disclaimer: No matter how many times I beg her to give it to me Stephanie Meyers still owns Twilight**

**Chapter 2: Alice and Jasper **

**A:** Hey Jazz do u no wat happened 2 my purse?

**J: ** U can't find your purse? That's not like u to misplace an accessory. ;)

**A: ** Oh I didn't say I misplaced it!

**J: ** What u don't honestly think I have it do u?

**A: ** No but I figured Emmett might hav tld u something about it if he were messing with me.

**J: ** Honey if he had tld me something I wld hav tld u. I would nvr keep secrets from u. Also could u pleaz verify which of your 426 purses u r tlkin about.

**A:** Ya I no u wld hav tld me, I shld hav had more trust in u than that. It's just that no 1 around here has seen it apparently, but I still think Emmett took it. O and does that mean u will tell me wat u got me 4 our annicersery?

**J: ** U didn't hav a vsion bout it did u?

**A: ** R u tlkin about the purse or the gift?

**J: **Both!

**A:** No, I hav been shopping with Ness, and Rose almost every day this week so Ness was blocking my vision 4 the most part! Grrrr :/

**J: ** Babe, try 2 stay calm. Now will u PLEAZ tell me wich purse u r tlkin about?

**A: **Um # G46

**J:** I'm sry wat?

**A: **honestly Jaz, keep up. The red one with the small grey chains and lockets hanging across it.

**J:** K now I no which 1 u r tlkin about, I thnk. How do u hav those organized by # anyway.

**A: **It's really quite simple. I just organize them by color/pattern, designer, capacity, material, date of purchase, and durability, then categorize them with the corresponding #s. U want me 2 show u wen u get bac?

**J:** No um that's OK sweetheart I'm sure u hav more important things 2 do like um correct Bella's fasion sense or u no anything else.

**A: ** Finally some1 agrees with me! Even if Esme does she just says "let the poor girl be Alice" or Rose is POd about something and snaps something at me when I ask her!

**J:** Well, Rosalie will b Rosalie, and if u look up Rosalie in the dictionary it wil probly say: usually acts lik POd b**ch although is great with children!

**A:** lol, how incredibly accurate! Grrrrrr still cant find that stupid purse! Hld on I'll brb

**J:** Um alice? What r u doin?

**J:** Alice?

**J:** Hello?

**J: **K, now u r startin 2 scare me, and I've ben through the war zone literally!

**A: **Relx Jazz, I'm here, that'll teach Emmett 2 mess with my stuff!

**J:** Alice wat did u do?

**A: **Well nothing realy bad

**J: **Alice?

**A: **Ok so maybe I busted up all of his gaming councils, and the games, and um….

**J: ** Um wht?

**J: **Alice!

**A: **Yes?

**J: **I can't believe u wld do that wen, hold on did u say the red one with the chains and lockets?

**A: **Ya y?

**J: **Um its sittin in the backseat of my car, u must of 4gotten it there.

**A: ** Um :)

**J: **Not even close to my thoughts

**A:** Your thoughts?

**J: **U don't want 2 no

**A: **um ILY!

**J: **Ya I luv u 2 darlin, u r going 2 apologize to Emmett though and replace his games, and wat were u avoidin saying?

**A: **G2g by!

**There's chapter 2! Hope u liked it! Please review and tell me who I shld do next! Oh and if you want me to do the story I mentioned above or not. :)**


	3. Chp 3: Renesmee & Jacob

**Ok so this is chapter 3. It's between Renesmee and Jacob because I think they are such a sweet couple. These text messages might be more random whereas the last chapter had somewhat of a plot. Not sure who I should do after this so please R&R and tell me who you would like to see me do a conversation between. Although I think the next one will be between Emmett and Rosalie. Thank you to all who have been reviewing you guys are what motivates me to keep updating :) **

**Disclaimer: Much to my dismay I do not own Twilight, Stephanie Meyers does :( **

**Chapter 3: Renesmee & Jacob **

**R:** Sigh

**J:** Let me guess, it's noon, every1 went hunting except u and your parents, your parents r most likely off doing um stuff 4 lack of a better word, so u r sighing of boredom, rite?

**R: **Yes and Yes. I am bored and they r doing well u no, stuff.

**J:** no I don't no, wld u care 2 explain that 2 me?

**R:** Shut up Jake

**J:** Ya Luv u 2

**R:** u know I luv u more than wrds can describe, I just tld u 2 shut up cuz u wer intentionally acting like an idiot

**J:** u no wat?

**R: **wat?

**J: **I LUV U MORE!

**R:** no I luv u more!

**J: **Ness, u don't get it. I luv u more then any1 has ever loved any1 since the beginning of time!

**R: **That is until I met u because I love u even more than that!

**J: **Renesmee Carlie Cullen, I luv u even more than any1 has ever imagined could be possible. I don't just luv u , I need u, more than the Earth needs the Sun. U r my life and I care about u more than any1 has ever cared for any 1 or anything. U mean more to me than my own life. I don't know how I ever lived without u, and I hope and pray I will never hav 2 learn how again. U r my life Renesmee, and I love u 2 deeply 2 describe.

**R:** ok so how am I supposed 2 com bac after that?

**J:** Your not, I win! I luv u the mostest!

**R:** Hm mostest isn't a word, but u no wat , it works 4 me. xoxoxoxox

**J: ** xoxoxoxoxoxox 2 U 2

**R:** I wish u wer here, I am so bored!

**J:** How is me being there goin 2 solv that?

**R: **If u wer here there wld b like a milion things 2 do. And if we ran out of those we could just make out until my parents come 2 get me 4 dinner.

**J: ** hm I think I like option B, but what r u tlkin about with your parents, cant u make dinner yourself, its not like they eat.

**R:** Yah I no, but apparently I havnt ben eatin enouf so now they r makin sur I eat somethin.

**J:** I c. Idk how u can eat so lil. O and u never did explain _stuff_ 2 me, u changed the subject :P

**R:** Ha ha, 1st off its cuz I'm only half human and u already new that. Secondly u changed the subject and I'm pretty sur u know the answer to that question 2 :P

**J:** ya I no, I was just messin with u cuz I was pretty sur u wld chcken out of actually saying it anyway.

**R: **o and wat is that supposed 2 mean?

**J:** o nothin

**R:** im not chicken I just hav absolutely no reason 2 say it!

**J:** well now u do

**R: **o ya? And wat is that?

**J: **2 prove your not chcken, genius

**R: **wil u drop it? U r acting so immature rite now.

**J: **And that's different from how I usually act how?

**R: **v good point.

**J:** It really is 2 bad u r such a chicken, I was gonna ask u if u wanted 2 go cliff diving 2 ease your boredom but if your 2 chicken…

**R: **Sex Jacob! I said it, sex. U happy now?

**J: **u hav no idea how hard I'm lafing rite now!

**R: **isn't that wat lol is 4?

**J:** ya but if I put lol I wld sound like a chic, duh (as u wld say)

**R: **Hey I do not say duh like some stupid teenage girl! And mite I ask wat u find so humorous about that?

**J: **nothing, its just that I was only messing with u a lil bit and u get so worked up about it. I don't think you're a chicken Ness, I was just teasing.

**R: **Well u better hav been. Can we go cliff diving though?

**J:** Ya of course, I'll pick u up in 45 mins. I just hav 2 finish with the bike I'm wrking on.

**R:** sweet!

**J: ** u want 2 jump from the high ledges or the lower 1s?

**R: **um the high 1s, duh!

**J:** hm what wer u just saying about not saying duh Ness?

**R:** Grrrrrr. Cant believe I just said that!

**J:** Well u better believe it baby!

**R:** Ha ha, u caught me acting human, wow! U no wat I don't understand?

**J:** um no, I thought u understood most concepts with that brilliant brain of yours! If u can't understand something I highly doubt I cld! :) Anyway, ask away.

**R: ** K, y wld any1 name their kids Phineas and Ferb, I don't get it!

**J: ** where did that come from?

**R:** I just turned on the TV and it was wat was on. Seriously y wld u name your kids that?

**J:** Honey I don't no. But that is one seriously strange show

**R:** Ya I no, I changed the channel

**J:** Wat r u watchin now?

**R: **Um, reruns of I Luv Lucy. But I mean seriously, Phineas is ok I guess, but Ferb?

**J:** Renesmee, not that I don't agree with u, but does it realy matter?

**R:** does it matter 2 me if it matters or not? Honestly I wld nvr name my son Ferb.

**J:** K, so what would b an exceptable name 4 our son?

**R: **Idk. But I always liked the name Anthony, wait wat about Jacob Jr., I like that a lot, Jacob Junior, isn't it sweet?

**J:** ok, Anthony is definitely better than Jacob Jr. we r not naming him Jacob Jr.

**R: **whats rong with Jacob Jr.? do u not like your name all of a sudden?

**J:** Ya Jacob Jr. is real original, I like Anthony.

**R: **Ya but Jacob Jr. is so sweet!

**J:** Well u just said u liked Anthony!

**R: **Yah but then I thought of Jacob Junior and I like that one so much better! Whats rong with Jacob Jr?

**J: **well did u think of the fact that since we wld both live 4ever havin 2 jacobs mite b a bit confusing?

**R:** K so we can call him Junior or JJ.

**J:** JJ?

**R:** Ya its cute don't u think?

**J: **Ness, guys don't want their names 2 be "cute" We should name him Anthony

**R: **Jacob Junior

**J:** Anthony

**R:** Jacob Junior!

**J: ** Um, Ness?

**R: **Yah?

**J: **Wen did we hav a son, or even a kid 4 that matter?

**R: **Ur right, this is stupid, we won't discuss our kids names at least until we can hold hands without my dad flipping out

**J:** Deal. I just finished with the bike, let me put the tools and stuff away, I'll b over in 15.

**R: **Wow, Jacob Black picking up after himself, v impressive!

**J: **haha, make sure u got all your stuf 2 gether.

**R:** I already hav it all 2gether. Can't wait 2 c u! :)

**J:** I no. Can't wait 2 c u 2! Do u want me to bring the bike or the truck?

**R:** Um THE BIKE DUH!

**J:** U said it again.

**R:** Ugh! Must u remind me? I don't like sounding like some airheaded teen! So I especially don't like it wen u call me out on it!

**J:** hey I luv u no matter what u tlk like :)

**R:** thnx, ur such a good bf :)

**J: **wat no "I luv u 2"?

**R: **well that's a given. I will always luv u Jacob. :)

**J:** As will I u. I'm coming down your drive way now, do your rents no?

**R:** Ya I sent my dad a txt, its cool, k I c u comin, see u in a sec :)

**So there it is! What do u think, good, bad? The beautiful thing is u can let me know with that beautiful button below! O and if there is anyone out there by the names of Phineas or Ferb, please do not take offense, they were just names I chose to discuss, sorry if u took offense! :)Thanks for reading! I will try to update soon! **


	4. Chp 4: Emmett & Rosalie

**Aloha gorgeous readers! (No I'm not actually from Hawaii) Here is chapter 4! It is between Emmett and Rosalie! Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing, you guys r awesome and my motivation! Hope you like it please R&R! :) **

**Disclaimer: No I still don't own twilight! I'll keep begging, but for now Stephanie Meyers still owns twilight Oh I don't own Wikipedia either. **

**Chapter 4: Emmett & Rosalie **

**R: **Hey babe, do u hav my ipod?

**E: **Um no

**R: **Emmett!

**E: **Ok yes, but it was just cuz jaz broke mine, and the new 1 hasn't gottn here yet

**R:** Yes, because I'm sure that was all Jasper's fault!

**E: **Well it was!

**R:** U no wat, I don't even want 2 hear it this time! U no if u wld hav asked I wld hav let u borrow it rite?

**E: **Yah I no, y don't u just ask, I luv u, u owe so'n'so an apology, u r gonna replace this, can we please skip the speech I've heard it a billion times already! I'm sory, I shld hav asked your permission b4 taking your things, oh and I luv u! :)

**R:** U no your impossible 2 stay mad at?

**E:** I no, its prt of my amazin charm ;)

**R:** U r quite charming, I'm still mad at u though!

**E: **Really Rose, r u?

**R:** Yes!

**E:** Then y did u just tell me I was imposibl 2 stay mad at?

**R:** Cuz u r!

**E:** Then how come u r stil mad at me?

**R:** Who said I was mad?

**E:** U, just a min ago

**R:** No I didn't!

**E:** Um yes u did, u tld me I was charming but u were stil mad

**R:** Just drop it will u? U r making me mad rite now!

**E:** ok, ok, calm down babe, we can tlk bout somethin els

**R:** ok, wat do u wnt 2 tlk bout?

**E:** The concept that their cld b merpeople, I mean realy how cld some1 possibly believe that?

**R:** Hmm, says the vegetarian vampire. I do think that something that is half human, half fish is a lil far fetched.

**E:** No not that, of course there cld b fishpeople! I mean I sparkle!

**R:** Im sry wat? Wat do u find unbelievable if its not the half and half thing?

**E:** Rose, honestly, thnk bout it, They hav tales not legs!

**R: **Yes Emmett, I got that from being half fish!

**E:** They have tales, so they can't hav sex, so they cant make more of themselves, DUH!

**R:** Emmett, where do u com up with these things?

**E: **Um my brain, dur! Where do u come up with your ideas, your toes?

**R:** Cute Em, but I only asked cuz I get the feeling sometimes that ideas show up in your mouth and u say them b4 u thnk thm through.

**E:** Haha, so u thnk I'm rong?

**R: **I nvr said that

**E:** Well it was kinda implied

**R:** No it wasn't, and since wen do u no wat an implication is?

**E:** I said it was implied not impl-wateva

**R:** Emmett, u no I luv u, but u can realy b an idiot sometimes!

**E:** What did I do this time?

**R:** An implication is somthin that is implied!

**E:** How am I supposed 2 no that?

**R:** U went 2 med scool, hav taken high scool over and over, and yet u don't c y I wld xpect u 2 no wat an implication is?

**E:** well obviously u didn't xpect me 2 cuz u said since wen do u no wat an impla-whaty is

**R:** IMPLICATION Emmett, implication. And I was joking! U ought 2 no wat that 1 means, u do it enouf that is.

**E:** Can we tlk bout somethin els besides my apparent stupidity?

**R:** Yah cuz the reproduction of mermaids was sooo much mor interesting!

**E:** Yah but that's the thing! They can't possibly reproduce cuz there lower halfs r fish so they don't hav reproductiv systems! No sex no baby merpeople duh!

**R:** I'm still in shock tht u new tht it was clld a reproductiv system

**E:** Yah well I didn't go for medical skool 4 nothin! I learned that and that both your finger bones and your toe bones r clld phalangies! Isn't that weird! Did u no tht?

**R:** Yes, Emmett most FIFTH GRADERS no tht!

**E:** Hey I learned 1 other thing while I waz there 2

**R: **Only one other thing? Ok say it, whatever it is.

**E:** Besides from the other 2 in med skool I learnd how to do a Endoscopic thoracic sympathectomy!

**R:** what the hell?

**E: ** Now who feels stupid :P

**R:** Will you just tell me what it is?

**E:** Endoscopic thoracic sympathectomy (ETS) is a surgical procedure where certain portions of the sympathetic nerve trunk are destroyed. ETS is used to treat hyperhidrosis, facial blushing, Raynaud's disease and reflex sympathetic dystrophy. By far the most common complaint treated with ETS is palmar hyperhidrosis, or "sweaty palms". In this disorder, the palms may constantly shed so much sweat that the affected person is unable to handle paper, sign documents, keep clothes dry, or shake hands. The result is often social phobia so severe as to be disabling.

Sympathectomy physically destroys some tissue anywhere in either of the two sympathetic trunks, which are long chains of nerve ganglia lying along either side of the spine. Each nerve trunk is broadly divided into three regions: cervical (neck), thoracic (chest), and lumbar (lower back). The most common area targeted in sympathectomy is the upper thoracic region, that part of the sympathetic chain lying between the first and fifth thoracic vertebrae.

In addition to the normal risks of surgery, such as bleeding and infection, sympathectomy has several specific risks, such as adverse changes in how nerves functi.

**R:** Yet u don't no wat an implication is?

**E:** Well obviously I do now!

**R:** It is a realy good thing u hav vampire speed 2 txt with or that txt wld hav taken 4eva :)

**E:** This is tru!

**R:** Hey I gotta go Alice needs hlp with somethin or another, c u wen u get bac. LUV U ;)

**E:** Luv u 2 babe :)

**Tada! Hope you liked it! Emmett's definition provided by Wikipedia! Please Review it makes me smile! :)**


	5. Chp 5: Edward & Jacob

**Hello! I realized that the first person to review this story suggested I do a Jacob & Edward chapter and I kind of ignored it. So now I am writing it! This chapter is for Emu97 who was my first reviewer for this story! YAY! After this I think I will do a Rosalie & Jacob one, but after that I don't know so suggestions? **

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight *sob*sob* **

**Chapter 5: Edward & Jacob **

**J:** Hey is Ness with u guys

**E:** No she said she was going over 2 your place bout an hr ago, she stil isn't there?

**J:** No, I just got bac from runnin patrol 4 the day.

**E:** Did she no u wer runnin patrol

**J:** yah I think so, I tld her last night

**E:** wat do u mean _last night_? U better not hav been anywhere near my daughter _last night_!

**J:** Will u chillax 4 a sec

**E: **No mongrel, I won't as u put it _chillax_!

**J:** Dude, u need 2 calm down!

**E:** Did u just call me dude?

**J:** Um yes dude I did, y?

**E:** Since when do u call me _dude_?

**J:** Um Idk, since now

**E:** Well then that's _Mr._ Dude 2 u.

**J: **Dude, o im sorry _Mr. Dude_, what is it with u and italics?

**E:** I don't know it's a way of showing emphasis on a word wen u can't emphasize it through speech, y r we discussing italics wen we shld b discusin y u thought it was OK 2 sleep with my baby girl!

**J: **Wait, hold on a sec dude, u think I _slept_ with her?

**E: **that's MR. DUDE! And u just used an italic 2! Yes _dude_ I did kinda assumed u slept with her from your remark implying u wer sneaking around at night!

**J:** Well we didn't so u don't hav 2 go getin your panties in wad

**E:** I'm sorry did u just tell me not 2 get my_ panties in a wad_? I don't believe any1 has ever associated that expression with me.

**J:** That's cuz none of them no your secret!

**E:** Wat the heck r u tlkin about!

**J:** Oh nothin

**E:** honestly mongrel, wats with u?

**J:** relax Mr Dude, im jk, don't get your bra in a bunch!

**E: **ok, I think now would be an appropriate time 2 change the subject and discuss exactly wat u wer doin sneakin around my house last night.

**J:** Well wat wer u doin every nite wen u snuck into Bella's place?

**E:** Wait, so you were just saying good night and watching her fall asleep?

**J:** Yah 4 the most prt, we tlked a lil 2.

**E:** So what, do u guys do this often?

**J:** Yah, a lot actually, your just either still in the main house or 2 caught up in wat your um doin, 2 notice.

**E:** Seriously?

**J:** yah dude, seriously!

**E:** need I remind u this time?

**J:** ugh. Yah MR DUDE! U no if u didn't hav the power 2 ground the most important thing in the world 2 me, I would so find u and kick your ass.

**E:** Yah, good luck with that 1, Ness would never 4give u 4 going on a suicide mission!

**J:** k, now your so on! Hold on a sec, where is Ness anyway?

**E:** I'm gonna call Bella rite now and c if she nos

**E:** K just got off the phone with Bella she said Ness got kidnapped by a black haired pixie and is being held captive at the mall in Seattle. She thinx the pixie will crack and let the hostage go around 11 pm.

**J:** whats the ransom set at?

**E:** Idk the pixie is tricky, last time I did business with her it was the opposite of ransom and I had 2 bribe her with a yellow Porsche to keep the hostage held prisoner

**J:** haha, but seriously theres no hope of getting her back now?

**E: **seriously, no. jokingly ,yes

**J:** dude what the heck am I supposed 2 do until 11?

**E:** Idk, but u can start by correcting yourself and addressing me as MR DUDE!

**Ok so that chapter was kind of short, and strange, but I still want to know what you have to say so please review! Thanks for reading! Oh yeah, if anyone has nothing better to do and they want to read the first chapter of a story I started recently called Longing Hearts it would be greatly appreciated to hear your feedback on that because it doesn't really have any yet. :)**


	6. Chp 6: Rosalie & Jacob

**Hi amazing people who actually take the time to read the A/N not to mention the actual story! Here is the 6****th**** chapter. I know it took me longer than the rest but I will try to update for chapter 7 quicker. Also to those of you who wanted me to make the text conversations into a story I have been working with that trying to create another story besides this one. I got to wondering if it might be better to do a story through IMs instead of texts! Tell me what you think, either way I will keep on working on this random collection of text messages! Thank you to everyone who reviews, especially Shortevilpixie and Robmau for reviewing on most all of the chapters! Thanks to all the rest of you as well, reading what you have to say makes me happy :) I'm thinking Carlisle and Nessie next but tell me what you think! **

**Disclaimer: It's just as true as when I posted the disclaimer on the last chapter 5 chapters, I don't own twilight, Stephanie Meyers does! **

**Chapter 6: Rosalie & Jacob **

**J:** wats up blondie?

**R:** Wat do u wnt mut?

**J:** yeesh can't a guy say wats up?

**R:** Don't u hav somthin else to do besides harass me?

**J:** I didn't evn strt harassing u yet!

**R:** U no u wld thnk being alpha mongrel an all u wld hav somthin bettr 2 do with your time than send me these stupid texts 

**J:** U no u wld thnk being a stuck up b**chy leech u wld hav somthin bettr 2 do than answer me

**R:** Wat did u just cal me?

**J:** wat now u can't read 2? Ur almost as stupid as Emmett!

**R:** xcuse me?

**J:** ok u definitely can't read if u didn't understand that!

**R:** of course I can read to u stupid mut!

**J:** well I find that hard to believe

**R:** proves just how dumb u r

**J:** ha, says brainless Barbie!

**R:** U no blonds can b intelligent!

**J:** c that's just the thing, u hear bout them all the time but u nvr c 1! I can say I don't know any!

**R:** I'm gonna assume that was supposed to b a gab at me

**J:** no duh! C wat I mean, u cldnt even figure out that 2gether straight!

**R:** stupid hound! U realize u insult all blonds when u say that

**J:** and I care y?

**R: **yes because Carlisle is such a dumb blonde! Honestly your stupid generalization and stereotypes r driving me through the roof!

**J:** um blondie, that's kinda the point!

**R: **stupid cur!

**J:** Hey you know what blonds c in a box of cheerios?

**R:** personaly I c ammunition

**J:** wat is it with you and throwing things at me?

**R:** I just like causing you physical pain is all

**J:** yes and how do you plan on doing that with a box of cheerios?

**R:** believe me mut, I hav my ways

**J:** wateva, do u no wat blonds c?

**R:** Wat Jacob! WAT?

**J:** doughnut seeds!

**R: ** yah that was hilarious, *she says sarcastically and annoyed*

**J:** hey blondie

**J:** hello?

**J: **BLONDIE!

**J:** yo leech!

**J:** Earth 2 brainless Barbie!

**R:** hey mongrel, u do realize your conversation is a lil one sided, rite?

**J:** Not any more it isn't! u just made it 2 sided again!

**R:** ya well I hav a feelin its gonna go bac 2 being 1 sided very shortly

**J:** yes cuz your such a joy 2 chat with! 

**J:** hello?

**J:** albino leech r u there?

**J:** great u wer rite

**J: **how could I just admit u wer rite and not get a respons?

**J:** stupid leech

**J:** still not planning on responding huh? And I thought Alice was the only parasite that could c the future, guess now u can 2, great!

**J: **I'm gonna go have a txt convo with Ness about how u r a jerk

**R:** Renesmee doesn't think I'm jerk!

**J:** yes! I got u 2 respond! O and that means u can't s the future either, yippee!

**R:** wat? Nvr mnd! Good bye Jacob!

**J: ** Good bye parasite!

**Ok so it was a short chapter but in all honesty Rosalie and Jacob probably wouldn't be texting each other in the first place! Anyway I hope you liked it! Reviews are appreciated, oh and tell me if the story I write should be in texts or IM. Thanks for reading and I will try to update soon! Bye! :)**


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